英文澳博娱乐平台,奇猜异想 - 澳博娱乐官网

澳博娱乐官网

发布时间:2018-08-10     来源:大王  浏览次数:22
奇猜异想

Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede's principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The instructor asked if anyone knew what that meant.   One student stood up and answered, "I'm naked ! I'm naked!" 我们的物理教授千方百计引导我们讨论阿基米德的排水原理。他告诉我们阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡,他进入池子,发现水涨高了,溢出池沿。他对这一发现十分激动,跑到街上高叫:“Eureka,Eureka!”教授问我们谁知道他喊的是什么意思。 一个学生站起来答道:“我光屁股啦,我光屁股啦!”

死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭

Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.    妻子:你瞧,根据这报上登的数字,那些死于肝癌的人有80%都喝酒。 Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat meals. 丈夫:那就不错了。据我调查,所有这些人都吃饭呢。

我和老师的故事

Teacher: Tom and John! Why are you late for school today? 老师:汤姆!约翰!你俩今天为什么迟到了! Tom: Madam, I lost a one-dollar coin and was searching for it. 汤姆:老师,我一直在找我丢失的一美元硬币。 Teachear: John, what about you? 老师:那么你呢,约翰? John: Madam, I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet. 约翰:老师,我不能动啊,我把他的硬币藏脚底下了。

点名

On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course. The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance." 大学的第一天,文学课我坐在了前排。教授告诉我们这学期必须得读五本书,他提供我们可供选择的作者名单。随后他缓步走上讲台,拿出课本,“贝克、布莱克、布鲁斯、卡特、库克…”为了写下所有的名字,我不得不疯狂的作着记录。这时有人轻轻的拍我肩膀,坐在我后面的学生悄悄告诉我:“他在点名呢。”

除了音乐All Except the Music

A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today?""Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is." 一位热心的年轻教师想让她的学生多了解一点优秀的古典音乐,就安排了一天下午去听音乐会。为了使这次活动能给大家留下更深的印象,她请大家喝柠檬汽水、吃点心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回来上汽车的时候,她问小萨莉:“你今天玩得好吗?”“噢,好极了,小姐,” 萨莉说,“除了音乐其它都很好。”

Older Goats in America美国老羊

A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats' milk was used.   She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, "What do you do with your older goats in America?"    A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!" 一群美国人乘长途汽车在荷兰旅游。他们在一个奶酪场停下来。一位年轻的导游带他们参观了奶酪制作的全过程,解释说用的是羊奶。 她指给这群人一个美丽的山坡,山坡上许多羊在吃草。对这些,她解释说,是放逐草地的老羊,它们已不能再产奶。她然后问道:“在美国你们怎样处理老羊呢?”    一位活泼的老绅士回答说:“他们让我们乘车旅行!”

The blonde and the farmer

There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take&n......。 一个金发女郎,是那么恶心的黄色澳博娱乐平台她把头发染成红色。澳博娱乐平台停了下来,她觉得很好,她在农村的一个搭车的星期六下午。而在这旅程,她注意到一群羊,停下车来把......。

what do I get 我能得到什么

Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger. 老师:如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半,我能得到几块儿?汤米:四块。老师:那我要是再切两次,我能得到什么呢?汤米:汉堡。

Reason of Punishment 惩罚的原因

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do. The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do? The little girl replied, My homework. 一天,小女孩从学校回到家里,对妈妈说:妈妈,今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。 妈妈激动地说:那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈,对了,你没有做过的那件事是什么? 小女孩回答说:我的家庭作业。

Does He Bite 它咬人吗

Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him? Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite? Reggie: That's what I want to find out. 里基:我们又得到了一条新狗,你愿意过来和他玩一会吗? 罗恩:嗯,我不知道----它咬人吗? 里基:这正是我想要查明的。

合理的忧伤

On his deathbed poor Lubin lies; His spouse is in despair; With frequent sobs and mutual cries; They both express their care. “A different cause,”says Parson Sly, “The same effect may give: Poor Lubin fears that he may die ; His wife,that he may live”. 马修·普赖厄 可怜的鲁宾躺在他的病床里; 他的妻子陷入绝望; 频频啜泣,相对哭啼, 他们都表达着忧伤。 “不同原因,”滑头牧师说, “可产生同样结果: 可怜的鲁宾怕他会死; 他老婆,怕他会活。”

你以为你是谁?Who do you think you are?

The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.   “It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”   “I am the driver.” he said.   公共汽车上很挤,当又一个人还是试图上车时,乘客们不让他上。   “车上太挤了,”他们喊道,“你以为你是谁?”   “我是司机!”他说。

Mushroom and Toadstool 蘑菇与毒蕈

Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool(毒菌) ?Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom. 年少的童子军:我怎样才能把蘑菇和毒蕈区别开呢?年长的童子军:上床前吃一个。如果你第二天早上醒来,那就是蘑菇。

电脑问题

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges,delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?" 我在惠普公司打印机部做技术支持工作已经有一个月了,有一天我接到一位客户的电话,她的问题我没办法解决。她的问题是:打印机不能打出来黄色,但是其它颜色都正常。这让我觉得很纳闷,因为三原色就是蓝、红、黄。我建议客户更换墨盒、删了驱动程序然后重新安装,但是都没有效果。我咨询同事们,他们也不知道该怎么办。经过两个多小时的交涉,我打算让客户把打印机寄给我们,这时候她平静地说了一句:“我是不是应该把这张黄纸扔了换一张白纸再打印试试。”

圣诞老人的爱好

What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden? Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe. 圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么? 答案:锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意,ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)

咒语

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. 一个男人找到一个巫婆,要求她解开一条困扰了自己40年的咒语。 The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." 巫婆说:"或许我可以做的到,但你必须一字不落地告诉我下咒的时候说的那句咒语。" The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife." 男人毫不犹豫的答道:“‘我现在宣布你们成为夫妇。’”

慢行

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着学校----慢行。

I Am Going to Shop 我要去购物啦

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 我帮来购物的女士包好东西后,问道:“是付现金、支票还是记账呢?” 当她找钱包的时候,我注意到她的包包里竟放着一个电视遥控器。 “Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked. 我问:“你一直都随身带电视遥控器的吗?” “No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.” 她回答说:“不是啦。但我老公不乐意跟我一起来购物,所以我决定拿走他的遥控器来惩罚他。”


 
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